Tuesday, April 21, 2015

There Is Strength Inner

there is strength inner
not selfish - not free
until you take it
there is strength inner
if you remember others
and give freely
there is strength inner
take one eye closed
and open one wide

we have our dreams
they - like it or no
connect us in air
swimming seas deep
together - hand sees hand
takes the other hand
holding tight we

we see our dreams
I see dreams blue
do you see them yellow?
or see something in you?
it's more beautiful most
holding close in miles
and my river runs
into where your rivers meet

there is strength inner
and outer I can see
freedom is free
there is strength inner
a tower of a woman
a mountain of a man
there is strength inner
bound to be there
look baby, look

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Smiths - Sheila Take A Bow

Is it wrong to want to live on your own?
No, it's not wrong - but I must know
How can someone so young
Sing words so sad?

Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow
Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear
And don't go home tonight
Come out and find the one that you love and who loves you
The one that you love and who loves you

Is it wrong not to always be glad?
No, it's not wrong - but I must add
How can someone so young
Sing words so sad?

Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow
Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear
And don't go home tonight
Come out and find the one that you love and who loves you
The one that you love and who loves you

Take my hand and off we stride
Oh, la...
You're a girl and I'm a boy
Take my hand and off we stride
Oh, la...
I'm a girl and you're a boy

Sheila take a, Sheila take a bow
Throw your homework onto the fire
Come out and find the one that you love
Come out and find the one you love


I'm cold
and wish
you were here
to warm me
with your words
and comforting
arms that hold

I'm tired
and wish
you were here
to touch my face
till I fell asleep
in your arms
like I did

I'm wretched
worried and wooed
scurried and screwed
missing you
if your hands talk
say something
to me

I'm lonely
nights alone
days alone
her face

Sunday, April 19, 2015


Are you the muse?

I am forever a floating thought. I am an idea, over blown and self indulgent betrayal of reality. I am a imaginary ideal of a perfect form and thought. I am the muse. I am perfume, solid and aroma dense. I am pretty in pink. I am fear, bringer of death and destruction. 

Are you the last thing I will see as my eyes close every night? 


Do you love me?

As much as you love me.

Then you do? I did love you at an uncontrollable rate. It's like fire under toe nails. Dancing pain. Ripping off my nails to try and avoid the pain but as it grows it becomes almost passionate. I can't avoid it. I want it as much as it disgusts me. 

I don't love you. I lied. 


To get what I want. For security and because I need to survive no matter who it hurts. I am in veins like virus. I seize life from life and leave a shell of the former.

You are an admitted liar.

We all lie, Knol. You lie too.

Yes. I guess we do. I lie to protect myself, like everyone else or to protect everyone else from being hurt. I've lied to avoid hurting feelings. I've lied to shun shame. Probably all the same reasons anyone who lies lies about. 

What do I lie about that's so different?

You lie like a statue. You lie like a mouth sewn shut. You lie like a little child afraid to get hurt. You lie like a swarm of bees... buzzing all the time but bees don't say anything we can understand. 

What is honesty though?

I don't know anymore. It's all lies. I look out to humanity and see filth now. At some point I had a sunnier view of the world but it's all toothy grins now. Words seep through rotten teeth leaving a infected diseased goo on them. Rotten words. No one tells the truth anymore. I don't hear them as truth anyway.

So you're paranoid? All the time?

Can you blame me?

No, I guess I can not. 

When I lost The Muse and thought I'd found a new partner, the true Muse and the new Muse turns out to be a Siren and is giving out false hope and false love and false tellings of words even to herself it can make one a little paranoid. I'll probably shake it off someday but it's done it's damage. 

When will you be better?

Sooner then later. 

Do you still believe the Muse exists?

Not too unlike the way westerners see god or easterners seek to understand the meaning of life, I think the Muse is everywhere and in everything. There is a finite amount of things that make up our universe and at some point everyone and everything shares all those little things that make up everything and everyone. The Muse is everyone and everything. 

So not a single person or group of someones?

I don't think that anymore. But I do think sometimes you meet someone that you share a bit more of that stuff that makes up everything and everyone more than you do with any other given individual. That stuff, the stuff we are made up of that's closer to each other maybe acts a bit like a magnet; pulling us closer together. 

This sounds like pseudoscience and pseudo-philosophy.

Doesn't it? (Laughs). So to answer my own question, you were the Muse for a time. Now maybe some of those magnetized things that make up everything and everyone have reversed their polarity, pushing us apart. 

I don't want that. 

I'm sorry, I didn't want for that to happen. You know that. I blame you for that. You must have intentionally or unintentionally stepped into some sort of giant partial collider and reversed yourself. Your poles have reversed or become scrambled and now you repulse. You now have let all that goo muck up what made you an equal and now the Siren spews poison. The Siren can't help that. It's what she does. 

Fuck you! (Laughing nervously)

I'm sorry if you can not face that but it seems this is the reality of the situation. If it's any consolation I'm getting much less sleep and my back is all in knots from stress. Yes, it's lead to some serious thinking and some writing but over all it's been damaging. You can take solace in that. 

I take no solace in hurting someone else. 

That's good to know you think that. I honestly don't think you are evil. Well, I don't believe in evil anyway. 

So maybe it's just that our polarities have flipped and that's why we don't see eye to eye on any of this?


I am the Muse. I'm the "yang". I'm one of many and few of one. I am the mole under the shinning beckon on the hill. I represent the darkness and unbalanced nature of humanity. I am red tape. I am the bureaucracy. I am frustration in solid form. I am insanity to you and confusion. I am a blank stare with nothing behind the eyes. I am the opposite of what's good, not evil but not good. I am cold. I am something to be angry with. I am a whipping post, something to blame your deep seated fears and insecurities on. I am the Muse.

(Grinning) Sure. 

(The curtain closes).

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Protomartyr - Come & See

Have you heard the bad news?
We've been saved by both coasts
A bag of snakes with heads of gas
The pumpkin head cuts right in on the glass

And I'll try to live defeated
Come and see
The good in everything
Outside animals sound
Come and see
the open ending

Let it snow and face them in their minds
Count their money with broken arms
Come as friends, are you ready to be capitalized
In this town, in this hole?

And I'll try to live defeated
Come and see
The good in everything
Outside animals sound
Come and see
the lead us all to heaven

And I'll try to live defeated
Come and see
The good in everything
Outside, outside animals sound
Come and see

All Just Information

hold back breathing right

it's air out to join others

let the partials understand

each other

it's not unusual to know

foreseeing each leap

we can forgive a step

into the past, doesn't last

we can join our breaths

control lips like data

it's all just information

we share with everyone

don't hold back words

we can't read the thoughts

tricking the trickle down

I'd gladly hold that

Friday, April 17, 2015

Nomeansno - The Land Of The Living

there are those who are silent
yet who talk all of the time
their faces never really show
the way their quiet footsteps go
and when I greet them
my mask is just the same
I put no trust in the crooked and the lame
If you want to walk
just get up on your feet
and if you want to talk
just open your mouth and speak
what is the ugly secret
that you cherish in you heart
the truth you can't stand
that drives you from the land of the living
the land of the living

a smile is not a friendship
and those heart-felt words are cheap
they are as shallow
as a puddle in the street
like the tear drops that you shed
for the humble and the weak
as you float over their bodies
to the promised land you seek
where there is no one to ask you
who you are or what you've done
you're a face without a name
with nothing to explain
oh, the dead who walk among us
what they take they don't give back
see their hollow smiling faces
as they ride upon the backs of the living
the land of the living

addition and subtraction
is a cold and sober art
but there is no place for taking stock
in matters of the heart
either you are genuine or you are not
you either mean the things you say
or cut the ties and drift away
inflated with self-righteousness
afloat upon the wind
but for all your bloated virtues
I wouldn't give a sin
my allegiance is to those who are alive
those who wear it on their sleeve
who do not run and do not hide
foolish little monkeys
playing in the land of the living the
land of the living

Anxiety Attack

an afternoon in bed
fighting back an anxiety attack
irregular heart beat
relax, breathe through it

calming motion held
the room pulses

the eyes, a bad drummer
irregular like the heart

the television is on
there are letters of
broken promises spread
all over the bed

blinking so much
close the eyes
it's dry inside
trying to calm down

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Fall -- Two Librans

There were two Librans sat on a hill
And one always exiting to the easy gate
Exit to two years to be perfect

Two Librans reflect
Two Librans high and low in mind
To Oprah Winfrey
She studied bees
Studied bees two Librans

The muggings dressing a soldat
Nelson in Timor
Tolstoy in Chechnya
Euro reflect on wastage

Two Librans reflect
Two Librans high and low in mind
To Oprah Winfrey
She studied bees
Studied bees two Librans

Exit to two years to be perfect

Two Librans reflect
Two Librans
The on blonde September
Back to the lick
Back to the tedium
The Cambodian Cambodian RIP

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Irony Is Over 

cracked tooth heart attack
intermission music
more sane negative thing
thought you said silence

it's okay
irony is erotic
it's okay
irony is over

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

She Looks Into Me... By Paul Eluard

She looks into me
The unknowing heart
To see if I love
She has confidence she forgets
Under the clouds of her eyelids
Her head falls asleep in my hands
Where are we
Together inseparable
Alive alive
He alive she alive
And my head rolls through her dreams.

Monday, April 13, 2015


Seemingly obvious night where it's all one light like laser spotting a would-be hilarious dance move that in reality is terrifying. Flailing run, the spot light on one mention in the oh so lost mind. Where the aforementioned mind, damaged, chaotic and sad. Where the ills of forgotten times are glad. It's generational. Passed over and over and underground. Like minded daughters in darkness and miles of veins lay out for display. No would be doctor is allowed to see. Analyze like inspecting an eye that's red from holding in tears. Focused on something easy to hold like a phone communication instead of communication. Like a wall with some bricks removed. Just to stick the finger through. A fuck you. "Fuck you" fills lazy ears but spins downward and assured words dance in air up and up and out of sight out of mind, out of control of a lying mouth. Mouths so puckered it's tense on teeth. Teeth screaming and ignoring questions like "what's this insanity"? They get no answer. The answer, unannounced, seems to slams down like gravity. Smashes everything around. Ends up on the ground in tears of anger and hatred, in pools of bloodied knuckles and berated flowers on a shoulder. There is no answer to no one that will listen. A mouth, instead of tongue, enters ear and delivers one message: "run".

Change. Change is good, of course. Change is evolution. Evolution, if fast or slow, is progress. Progress is essential to being a stronger, intelligent, emotionally connected person. These skills help us to survive in an honest and less selfish way. Skills like learning to embrace and expect change. We hopefully spend our whole lives progressing. Without progress we can become stuck and repeat the same mistakes again and again, never learning from the lessons that life so often can and should teach us. Progress is essential to growth and health. There are often situations that come over us in life or we have to face at some point, if we want to or not, that knock us down so hard they almost have a concussion like effect on the psyche. Knocking our mental health against the protective skull and the result is damaging to us. And like a concussion, if left untreated, can kill you. One may not even fully recognize the signs of the damage until it's too late. One lashes out. Hurts themselves or others but maybe just feels a bit dizzy and out of sorts.

Mental illness. Millions and millions deal with mental health issues all over the world everyday of their lives. Maybe it's sign of our times? There are so many people in the world constantly panicking over how to just survive in a world, never mind deal with constant pressure of trying to inner-connect with people in our day to day lives. The competition of capitalism, of keeping up with the progress of others, one can see how it could give the ego a beating. How the stress of just being a person surrounded by all the pressure, imagined or not, of other people and how one relates to others. It's rather outstanding how the mental illness of someone else can take its toll on your own mental stability. The collateral damage. It can be cold and have no empathy for what they are putting someone else through. They can become so of one mind and panicked by their own inability to deal with what manic emotions they are feeling that they become a bulldozer of sorts; plowing down anything or anyone in their way. The almost instinctual fight or flight reaction to having to cope with a difficult situation. The regressive tendencies. A uncanny ability to compartmentalize emotion and logistics. A survival mode that kicks in so hard, well, I refer back to the bulldozer metaphor.

Empathy. Having empathy is key to having any kind of real relationship with another person. It's the key to understanding, to kindness and to love. Being able to understand how someone else may feel about any given situation, difficult, indifferent or joyful, opens boundless clues to understanding one another, being able to forgive and human nature at it's core. Being able to look into someone's eyes, without judging them and putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand what they are going through. Empathy can be a mirror. Relating and reflecting. Asking questions when you do not understand. Caring for the emotional well being of another. It's important to have empathy so you do not become completely out of touch with reality and that us face it; reality is what you have to navigate everyday. Without an understanding of what others go through, without empathy, you can slip into selfishness and sociopathy. No one can survive for long that way. Empathy is taught to us at an early age by people that care about us. We observe each other and learn from the way they deal with emotions. Looking into each others eyes and asking each other to understand. Understand.

These may seem like obvious statements to a lot of people but to others simple ways of dealing with the world around them other than to see the world as out to get them or people or circumstances constantly attacking them can sometimes be a survival method when they can not deal with trauma and the trauma that trauma causes. Things that have damaged them so badly. It can become all they have to defend themselves with from such perceived threats. This may even seems obvious to those who deal with harsh or hard to deal with feelings this way but when someone is in the moment they can devolve into an
animal that's been beaten and locked away. Biting and clawing. Looking for either an escape

or the right vain to slice open to incapacitate their
perceived attacker. They crawl through darkness.
Averting their eyes to the light. Looking for
any small hole to climb through.
Any escape from the reality of the situation.
Reverting to the fetal position.
Spine protruding like a circular saw,
spinning out of control and rocking
back and forth to preserve the
precious and fragile mind.
Haloed by hissing snakes.
A heart attack as human.
A grown person then a
small child morphed
into fangs and flat
teeth and a falsely
enlarged ego quickly
becomes a shrunken

head hunted like
voodoo or dark

Arms extended and screaming from the mouths
imbedded in the hands, also with
fangs and flat teeth but also

with forked tongue. Screaming
to be left alone but an inner
mouth drooling as crying,
asking for help. Beams of

light and kindness and
goodness trying to
escape through the
fangs and sickness

and death but
stomped on by
the big black

Guilt: a giant terrified gift like a moth fluttering in the face of itself. It shrinks and grows. It ebbs and it flows, blowing back men and children. Clawing, grasping for understanding but not understood. Clawing for the eyes to bleed and realize the feelings of maggots and flies. Everything around is barking, hissing or humming numbly. Everyone around is speared and knifed and like a pissed off porcupine. Everything is nuclear war and end times. Everything is gone. Only standing: a shell of a human. Only one in a world of eyes. Watching and waiting for an eyes chance to spy. To catch an act so foul, so unspeakable so continued. To tell all the other eyes what they've seen. Clinging on to what little is held in the depths of secrecy in vault. An upside down broken flower that never blooms but withers constantly. Eaten by insects and crawling eyes. And there, surround by the insects and eyes and ears and curious minds of everyone, hide. But it's only preceded to be perceived. Not real. Trauma induced hallucinations and paranoia used as a force field of the psyche.
But which is worse?

There is help.
There is hope.

Sunday, April 12, 2015


Do you answer to someone?

Yes, to the underlined fear and winds in the alley.

Do you have a name that isn't your own?

Yes, I answer to anything I'm called.

Where is the spotless skin hiding within walls enclosed?

It's all prose and nonsense and I'm angry with you for asking!

Take a moment and realize what you are saying. It's all worth something even if now it appears to be babble and incoherent rambling. Would it hold up in a court of law? Perhaps not, but at least it's something to write down. Something to preserve for memory's sake, though I'm not sure if you would want to remember… Do you want to remember?

No. I'd rather forget.


It's difficult to wind in wine and coherency. Everything that means anything to me will disappear, eventually. That's how life works and it's easier to just forget. I don't think you understand the virtues of what time and pain do to the mind. Erase it. Patch the holes with little bit of asphalt. Callused tissue. Like a tumor welcomed.

That's a horrible outlook.

But it's true. And copes.

Perhaps, but what is that answering? A phone call to no one? A cry for help in crowded club? Do you really answer to someone?

Myself, I guess.

Well, if there is one person you care about it would be yourself.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means the set threshold of a floor is no greater than it's ceiling. We just happen to walk on those floors. Do you think it's a coincidence we are slaves to gravity on this earth? No. It's what we think of hell as. It's why we look up to the heavens. No god. No devil. It's weightlessness and gravity. The balance is understanding how unbalanced it is. We are forced to the floor and must like it… a bit.

Or at least except it? Maybe expect it?

Yes, at least try to comes to some kind of terms with it.

So what is the point then? Is there no escape from the weight?

Not unless you want to be an astronaut. But then you must realize what damage weightlessness does to the body. Shrinks your bones. Lose muscle mass.

Haven't they cured those things yet? I thought the dream of mankind was to shed their skin, their bones, their minds, and explore the emptiness of everything. To fill in the deep voids of darkness and meaninglessness with light and meaning. To be corporeal and unchained to anything or anyone and exist, sort of, in that void.

No, you are being selfish. Do you answer to someone?

No. I answer to no one. 

Do you have a name that isn't your own?

No, I have no name. 

Winged Arms Thin To See

throughout red and pieces missing
take 3 inward peaceful breathes now
it's only handled with hands
that swing and sway and play
throughout red summer night
time when it shows is there
in air - in air - in air - in air - in air
floating when birds decide they do
exhaling menace that is soft
it's all worldly words true
'morrow can't come too fast
for everything but for you
throughout yellow tales told
by winged arms thin to see
in air embracing, I am trying
to capture every tale for me

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Beauty Unimportant

beauty in unimportant
photographs display
mountain to mayhem
forever one day
long car dreams
of car dreaming so
head in your lap
hands and meaning
the glove box
it groans
told in mind
message dreaming
stunned in the sky
but it's roads
where we go
it's in arms
where we go
wherever whenever
o inverted hearts
finding in dark
each other
sleep alone tonight
but forever isn't
sleep alone tonight

Friday, April 10, 2015

The Piano by Paul Verlaine

The keyboard, over which two slim hands float,

Shines vaguely in the twilight pink and gray,

Whilst with a sound like wings, note after note

Takes flight to form a pensive little lay

That strays, discreet and charming, faint, remote,

About the room where perfumes of Her stray.

What is this sudden quiet cradling me

To that dim ditty's dreamy rise and fall?

What do you want with me, pale melody?

What is it that you want, ghost musical

That fade toward the window waveringly

A little open on the garden small?

Flowers by Arthur Rimbaud

From a golden step,-- among silk cords,

green velvets, gray gauzes,

and crystal disks that

turn black as bronze in the sun,

I see the digitalis opening

on a carpet of silver filigree,

of eyes and hair.

Yellow gold-pieces

strewn over agate, mahogany columns supporting

emerald domes, bouquets of white satin

and delicate sprays of rubies,

surround the water-rose. 

Like a goddess with huge blue eyes and limbs of snow,

the sea and sky lure to the marble terraces

the throng of roses, young and strong.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

The Privacy Act of 1974

it's a private blindfold
take that cloth invisible
one eye is blue
one eye is huge
it's what's false about
all words said out loud
but inside it lies and
smothers tall and proud

there's two roads
there's no homes
it's confusing and
it's helplessness

welcome to means
nothing is unseen
from a rural city
something cruel or mean
just blame anyone
a cloud that surrounds
gagged and bound
privately confound

there's no way
there's nothing to say
it's understood now
it's insanity

Party House - What They've Become

hey, where did you get those scars?
I don't know why you try to hide them
I think they're interesting

no one wants to admit they've cried
And no one want to admit they've once died

hey, where'd ya get that screen?
I don't think it sifts out what you meant it to
you're missing the details
hey, where'd get ya get that frame?
you measure people up so well inside it
because you play it safe

no one wants to admit what they've done
and no wants to admit what they've become

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

PJ Harvey - One Line

Do you remember the first kiss?
Stars shooting across the sky
To come to such a place as this
You never left my mind

I'm watching from the wall
As in the streets we fight
This world all gone to war
All I need is you tonight

And I draw a line
To your heart today
'To your heart from mine
A line to keep us safe

All through the rising sun
All through the circling years
You were the only one
Who could have brought me here

And I draw a line
To your heart today
'To your heart from mine
A line to keep us safe

Tuesday, April 7, 2015


past of every night club light
shall it always be your face?
I just followed you around
because I couldn't not
a old house creaks for you
your songs haunt it still

you were right, I made it wrong
when you are wrong I was right
I dream about you most nights
but didn't or couldn't say
and you occupy my days
in wandering thoughts

wish I could have said that
wish I could have held you
wish it wasn't blue and black
wish I could have held you

in every sunshine spring
five years goes as it does
regrets are nothing because
we move over, we move on
we come together again
we just have to

I'll swallow all insecurities
you've seen too many
be brave and strong
I've become unafraid
and you look like the sun
you can always impress me

wish the best
wish for the strength
wish for the honestly
wish for the strength

and the look you give me
is one million years old
it's knowing and wise
it's confused but assured
strong, you are strong
and to me, beyond this world

in every dream the small voice
that can be so damn loud
my muse, my heart, my energy
the words that are inside of me
can fail, you deserve more
I'll try to give you more

but what more can you ask of me?
ask anything of me

it's art and creation and temperament
it's all in the smallest sentiments
what more do you ask for?
more forward not back to
everything you want is there for you
if you want it

I am proud and in awe
of your strength

Clinic - Harmony

I believe in harmony
I believe in Christmas Eve
free for all your happiness
and no one's living on their wits

one so kind and one so wise
one so kind throughout your life
fill yourself with dreams
fill yourself with dreams
come fill yourself with dreams

I believed in destiny
I believed your trust was free
free for all happiness
and no one's living with regret

one so kind and one so wise
one so kind throughout your life
fill yourself with dreams
fill yourself with dreams
come fill yourself with dreams

oh and now we know
no one ever told
now you can be bold

and I believed in solitude
I believed till there was you
free for all your happiness
and no one's living on their wits

one so kind and one so wise
one so kind throughout your life
fill yourself with dreams
fill yourself with dreams
come fill yourself with dreams

harmony and no dilemmas

Monday, April 6, 2015

Know Our Company

the details eyes show
from glowing to tears
in a moment or two
so much is said without
the mouth and it's smile
and it's slightly off
and it melts me still
framed by the brightness
even in so much misery
we can share what hurts
and we know our company
time is a stitch of which
winds it's way loose
and miraculously heals
and emotions change
the charge of time
holding those arms
like when they were mine
is electric, is chemical
is sincere

projection thoughts
like knowing you're needed
tall slender discourse
but of course it is
it's a tricky mind
that remembers everything
and is it my selfishness
that only misses this
remembering first kiss
the first springtime mist
when everything is on
the edge of my bed
said it was not to be
but even if just a whisper
in your ear that can
remind you of me
it flashes forward
and I whisper
'I'm here whenever you need me'
and I hope you need me

Fugazi - Last Chance For A Slow Dance

coughing inside your coffin
like at the bottom of the sea
onside you're breathing
too numb for asking
so I will leave it outside your door
warning the threat of morning
that just extends you another day
some lights were shining
not much for seeing
but you'll be leaving the way you came

shot shooting
shot shot
shot shooting yourself again for what
to taste all the waste

flare flakes a flower a burnt-out shower
no one can see you
were needing too shy for asking
so I will leave it outside your door
pulse stalls uncut
but clotted when you had thought
it would force a flow
some lights were shining
not much for seeing
but you believe in the way you came

Saturday, April 4, 2015

You Are Always There

you're sleeping in your dress
can you confess all lines and ills

no backing up, are you an idiot?
no, but you made your own mess

you're only alive now

but sink down like you're old
it's fucking cold sleeping alone

but you've made too many beds

and my hands smelled like children

and I'm pissing in my yard

it's not too hard to admit

I know what is right

and when you're sick of it

curse laying down

and wipe spit from your face

in more than one place

make a mess of it

the more the anger is

the more beer tastes like shit

and slapping my face clean

never seems to solve it

but I'm smarter than those words

it could be my biggest curse

other than sitting on my hands

other than a thumb in someone's ass

and not really knowing anything

if love is the divider and conqueror

if love is the last word

if your real life steps in
to remind you it's absurd

you can always smash it and destroy it

like you always do

it's not unreasonable

to think she doesn't really care

because you're always there

like a stain on the wall

Friday, April 3, 2015

Oblique Seasons

bullshit wings fly politely
orders barked down from flags
brow beaten radio static
it's gone, it's automatic

choking down one word
oblique seasons stretch
on too long

turn off, catch on
it's been way too long
throw off, turn on
it's going on too long

bullshit wings fly politely
frightened hands lightly tremble
orders marched on by one

it only takes one... gun

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Flash Memory

flash memory
it's from energy
to dream
it's shines on
a bell forever
ringing because
it always will
it's energy that
calls out to me
I call out to you

every night is half asleep from fomenting dreams with ghostly themes
I roll over and look out the window
every morning the same, remembering all the names of everyone
who has ever meant anything to me
but a bell rings
it seems in sadness we call to each other
it seems in joy we always cry
and in memory of everything counted and examined and cared
you know the reason why 

in cruelty too
life hands to you
the other side
not always bad
not a bomb
through yellow
teeth show
as a smile
not a scream
it's been missed

whenever it's walked beyond and it heals back on it's heels
you care for someone for everything they are
you always will no matter the spin or the stress, nothing to impress
it's true and boundless and real
and the bell rings
it tells you the truth no matter how hard
it tells you what you thought you've always known
and in graciousness you can forgive but not forget
and embrace everything

an old theater
where we meet
it's frightening
no memory
has come true
a face turns
into a light
eyes always bright
I sent that to you
because I miss you

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Dan Mariska - Set Back

we're not on the same altitude
listen close here's what you're gonna do
oh it's such a set back
fat chance you wake up feeling glad

everything just seems to make me mad
people talking about the things they have
maybe you should take a second
and think about what you believe in

just a second all by yourself
to think about somebody else
but you messed it up...

people talking all these things at me
some still don't seem to get what they need
fair is what you make it
so then just go and grab that cash

and now everything feels bad
says the hole that's inside your chest
oh it's such a set back
fat chance you wake up feeling glad

yeah, it is the same mistakes
it's like this when I say it is
though we always miss
yeah, we always miss

The Beach Boys - Wendy

Wendy, Wendy what went wrong
Oh so wrong
We went together for so long

I never thought a guy could cry
'Til you made it with another guy
Oh Wendy, Wendy left me alone
Hurt so bad

Wendy, Wendy don't lose your head
Lose your head
Wendy don't believe a word he says

I can't picture you with him
His future looks awful dim
Oh Wendy, Wendy left me alone
Hurt so bad

Wendy I wouldn't hurt you like that
No no no
I thought we had our love down pat
Guess I was wrong

The farthest thing from my mind
Was the day that I'd wake up to find
My Wendy
Wendy left me alone

Wendy, Wendy left me alone
Hurts so bad

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A Ridiculous Man

a ridiculous man hence forth
we proclaim everyday
what's a country, then what fits?
a man as mountain molded
into a mountain's top
no idea of when to stop

just for illusions sake
stare into the eyes
when it finally wakes
it's okay, calm inside
invested away
one moment stays
for now…

equal in intensity
in a new department
no single hill is so
easy to climb
you'll find in time
a ridiculous man
hence forth

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Nomeansno - Two Lips, Two Lungs And One Tongue

He kept trying
He kept trying
But he couldn't find out
Why he couldn't stop crying

Only so many songs can be sung
With two lips, two lungs and one tongue

She kept praying
She kept praying
That she would understand
What she was saying

Only so many songs can be sung
With two lips, two lungs and one tongue

He kept dreaming
He kept dreaming
Of the day they'd realize
What he was feeling

Only so many songs can be sung
With two lips, two lungs and one tongue


dysphoria painted
other colors
dysphoria demanded
first in line
talking of leisure
talking of time
body accessed
brain denied

dysphoria deemed
not for pleasure
dysphoria commands
another world
last to conquer
last to know
hiding shoulders
creeping slow

dysphoria gated
rewind the time
dysphoria clamps
mine inside
partial control
partial below

dysphoria painted
other colors
dysphoria demanded
first in line
talking of leisure
talking of time
body accessed
brain denied
body accessed
brain denied

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Jawbox - Cutoff

unhealing incisions,
path that turns vicious,
a recurring sequence
or an unbroken line,
it makes no difference
to the one that's analyzed,
it's all fate so be resigned.

converging to unfortunate ends,
all plots acknowledged and denied,
convey awareness of upcoming goodbyes
what's the difference to the one that's analyzed?
it's all false so be resigned.


It's Not Comfort She Needs

a lie that hides
behind cold blue-red eyes
to cover any answer
not willing to be questioned
I've got a lot of questions
not hurt but disappointed
a year of no focus
sadness over fury

it's more floating
than grounded
more confused
than assured
using a shield
as a blunt weapon
not as was intended
but to avoid what is real

can it be unveiled
behind a fury of lies
lies not meant to hurt
but to not be hurt
sometimes life is pain
sometimes life is strange
but can honesty trump
everything you name
yes, I am not always right

it's more than this
waking blindly
more "poor girl"
blindly feeling sorry
show no pity
it's not comfort
she needs

Friday, March 27, 2015

Yeasayer - Madder Red

Even when my luck is down
I take joy in knowing that our love grows
But if my vices are a burden
Please don't let me off
Cast me from your home

'Cause lately I've wronged you
And not been on your side, love
Maybe I've been gone
Please don't ask me why

I turn away just when you want me
And I know that home is where you want me
There's not much for me there

Never gave a thought to an honorable living
Always had sense enough to lie
It's getting hard to keep pretending
I'm worth your time

To Except What Comes

in dark corner
she shines out
talk of talking
it's immediate
wanted her now
brightest thing
it shines through
everything horrible
I was in love
almost immediately
more than past
no futures cast
such a long shadow
absolutely willing
to except what comes
if it's lonely
if it's love
we move on
as we should
something in corner
hiding that pain
in defense, in crying
hiding that shame
but no matter
she's special
but hurting
can't cure
wanted to help
but can't help you

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Mention You

sweet cold untouched
eyes forever
seeing too much
blank foundation
unearth unchained
happiness gained
in prose in heart
everything apart
it falls no wait
behind the same
singing but sound
nowhere to be found
over and fingers
mingle in dark
red eyes close
no fucking heart
share but silent
word not found
but a whisper
completely gone
it's incoherent
stock in shape
formless but formed
ignore the same
in name so named
sounds like mine
but half of it
where nothing is
an eerie ghost
as wind or whistle
past future now
embrace that
saving that
it will continue
always moves slow
but patients awaits
to no ones fate
lips circled on
a little target
it's red and wrinkled
it's inviting soon
from sun to moon
from mention you
trust miss over
in some love
it's hand in eye
it's eye in glove
listen so easily
shut up for once
trust no one
it's fall back
comfort place
or escape
you will embrace
far to face
close to scar
opening a wound
been bandaged poor
kiss the cut
rest in its rut
too sad cold
sweet cold poor
shaped it true
but left more
and no hope
there always is
hope and honor
wrapped in one kiss

Sad Days Will Divulge The Truth

a victim makes victims of others
detached and a darkness inside
covered up, pretty with make up and
a new bed with no attachment
when beauty becomes ugly
it's only a mask to disguise
everything you can only ignore
or imagine or forget or hide
it makes it easy to be angry
and anger is a comfort
another way to run
when running is all you know
it's a blanket of steel and iron
a lie is a lie is a lie is to deny
and you're not as good of a liar as you think
but can't think in a haze of denial
so selfish and no regard for pain
if it's your own or someone's
selfishness loses and gains
it's sad, it's hopeless but can change
it can help and hide what's inside
keep you blind and trap yourself
you don't grow but change for some sake
but nothing is worth changing
if you don't face why
it's empathy and caring and truth
something passed from yourself
to someone that you want to
where real growth is measured
in deeds you pass on to youth
but how can you teach any lessons
when you don't do those things for you
a victim is not a victim if they choose
to use the anger for good
and not redirect that anger at you
sad days will devolve
sad days will dissolve
sad days will evolve
sad days will divulge
the truth

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Everyone Deserves It

with clear mind and glass between
it's seen as a moment passed
right before your eyes
when love is passed it's moment
it's not tragedy seen
but it is tragedy felt
in a breeze, far beyond me
her hair blows around her face
and her nose looks down at me
and her past lashes like a tornado
but I'll ride it like a wild horse
it's wounded, a sadness so deep
buried, last, in a dark past
it's hard to look from the outside
even through the glass
but love, anyway, everyone deserves it

Billy Bragg - Accident Waiting To Happen

I've always been impressed with a girl

Who could sing for her supper and get breakfast as well

That's the way I am, heaven help me

He said, we don't like peace campaigners 'round here

As he nailed another one to the wall

And that's what gets me in trouble, heaven help me

Goodbye and good luck to all the promises you've broken

Goodbye and good luck to all the rubbish that you've spoken

Your life has lost it's dignity, it's beauty and it's passion

You're an accident waiting to happen

There you are standing at the bar

And you're giving me grief about the D-D-R

And that chip on your shoulder gets bigger as you get older

One of these night you're gonna get caught,

It'll give you a pregnant pause for thought

You're a dedicated swallower of fascism

Time up and time out for all the liberties you've taken

Time up and time out for all the friends that you've forsaken

And if you choose to waste away like death is back in fashion

You're an accident waiting to happen

And my sins are so unoriginal

I have all the self-loathing of a wolf in sheep's clothing

In this carnival of carnivores,

Heaven help me

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I Am Pain

I am pain
it's alone agony, lies and no empathy

I am pain
leave everything behind now
run away because a face is
unfaceable and pain is available
and you can't recognize pain

I am pain
it's empty as some St. Paul street

I am pain
a hollow in locked and bound
a semi-translucent heart found
ignore it and be in agony
face it and rip your sleeves off

I am pain
though but what misery joy is clear

I am pain
beyond fear it's not a mirror
can you see though theory
a teacher or student or terror
a life cowering in minds corner

I am pain
or whatever you want to see me as

I am pain
in pain or projecting out of mouth
and an animals eye sees only fear
only what it wants itself to hear
but it's all internal, it's there forever

I am health
though maybe the only one

I am health
not healthy but healing
more ready since time goes
been and seen everything or most
and refuse to be anyone's ghost

Monday, March 23, 2015

Lifetime - Young Loud & Scotty - Irony Is For Suckers

Young, Loud and Scotty

Is it silly to think that this will never happen again?
But of course I'll call you tonight.
Did you know you missed my birthday?
The loneliest it gets is when the wind begins to chill.
And when I stand at the top of your old street, the church top brings a stillness to me.
And I can't think of anything I'd rather do
than have my heart broken by you. Could we be saved by inventions and hopes?
Cause I'm not all right.
The night seems to swallow me whole
and spits out second guessing.
I remember ever since that first day that I saw you on the street.
I've always wanted you in the worst way,
but now I can't compete.
And I'm so...
and you're so...
we're both so all fucked up.
I don't know but what to do.
It just makes me want to scream.
Isn't it about time that we try and get it right.
Cause I can't sleep on no more floors
and I can't stay up no more nights.
I'd like to know what's going on.
Could you please pick up the phone?
I started one million letters to you
but I couldn't finish any of them.

Irony Is For Suckers

Tonight try not to think about things,

Just be happy for one night.

And maybe we could go get a drink

Or maybe you could take me for a drive.

I could show you where I used to live

And where I had my first smoke.
I wonder if you think of things now.

I'm confused about everything.

It's just sometimes I don't mind.

You tell me everything keeps changing,

But you know that sometimes it just seems like you're complaining.

You ask a million questions.
It seems so never ending.

You know sometimes I just wish you'd shut your trap.
Let's forget work and let's just listen to The Clash
cause I can wait, wait forever now.

Put it down.

Let's just walk away from everything cause it can't last forever.

I can see you're running out of patience with me.

Irony is for suckers.

Wait for me.

I just need a little bit of time cause I can wait for you.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Radiohead - All I Need

I'm the next step
Waiting in the wings
I'm an animal
Trapped in your hot car
I am all the days
That you choose to ignore

You are all I need
You' re all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

I am a moth
Who just wants to share your light
I'm just an insect
Trying to get out of the night
I only stick with you
Because there are no others

You are all I need
You're all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong, it's all right
It's all wrong, it's all right
It's all wrong, it's all right
It's all wrong, it's all right
It's all, it's all

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Just For You (Here's A Love Song)

I've never written a love song
I've always found them contrived
being able to express honestly
and openly and to open ears
and to be understood clearly
and without the mystery of artistic expression
without sounding contrived
it would be a gift

if I could tell you I love you
within the context of art
if I could express myself
open and clearly
as I could show physically
if you could believe me
it would be a gift
because music has more power
more power than a squint
than a letter or a flower
than longing eyes
if you would believe me

maybe all the things I've tried
to convince you to love me
could come down to a simple
verse and melody
maybe you'd want me
if I could convey honestly
within harmony
what I feel in a song
something easy for you
to listen to

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Another Forced Lesson

took some sleeping pills
took some time
needed something to stop
all the pain in the stomach
the thoughts that burrow
inside and out
it's the constant dreams
not stoic
but toxic
it's not healthy
but not pain
it's not healthy
a hole that's literally felt

every moment that sleep will come
I'm awoken by the images
shadows of a spine and back
and shoulders and neck
of someone you will always love
every thought that includes
turns and twists and falls
something that's missing
it's not just a feeling, it's true
thinking it's a memory false
but knowing a memory
knowing a reality
but can't face reality without you

took a moment to see
the warnings on the bottle
looks like it'll be fine
it'll all be fine
where no one goes
not afraid to go there
we can not be afraid
at least not on purpose
it's dark and cold
not easy to breath
seeing what's to see
another forced lesson
forced to learn
but I'm sick of learning

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Needs No Proof

when it's a hole in your stomach and emotions and shoulders warble
when it's a hole deep in your psyche and the things used to plug it
are poison disguised as progress and an illusion held dear
there is no fear but it feels like it's there
there is no pain but it feels like something hurtful
a poison so quick you wonder why it's taking so long

when it's dizzy and chaos and the security of insecurity there
when it's barbed by the hair that circles everything
a daily reminder of no progress being made
a daily reminder of a made up shame
will it be shallowed in the pit of that stomach true?
will it kill you or slump down to remind me of you?

when it's gone and glory and healthy in most ways
when it turns from the worst nights into better days
in case you remember the slight shudder of alone
in case it's used to do nothing but hide from the truth
a once wrecked nervous system relaxes into itself
and the only thing that's left needs no proof

Friday, January 23, 2015

A List Of Demands

speak in our mains
it feels the same
biting the lips that you kiss
saying your name
close in our minds
talking some time
pointless, it's always shifts and

spoil the last trick
feel your direction shift
it's all just in your head

hold in your hand
a list of demands
biting the fingers that you have
cursing the words
to blame and to serve
pulling closer in
the corners shift again

spoil the last trick
feel your direction shift
it's all just in your head
it's all just in your head

it's all just in your head
it's all just in your head

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Untitled (okay?)

where is the shortest way forward?
it's okay that you're not okay, defend it
welcome home, there's a home here for you
in paper, in writing, in sleeping in, in in in
little baby new, little lady blue
there's no hope for you
until you are home
there no floor in finds
rewind suitcases and bath robed
shoulders square, complexion fair
love is all around and it's okay
teeth saying what mouths can't say
where is the shortest way forward?

A Militant Idiot

the blast of ignorance stands in your way
small beads of sweat take over your face
the longest wait
there is no debate
an animal crouched in it's cage

a militant idiot
stand arm to arms
to never forget

use the arms to defend the face
every weapon takes it's toll
the longest wait
there is no debate
march hand in hand and to your face

a militant idiot
stand arm to arms
to never forget
you can't change a damn mind

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Are You Sure You Can Speak In Any Tense You Want To? (depression and loss)

It seems like a whole lifetime ago. And more so it seems cliché to say that.

I hated Andy Richardson. For a small amount of time I hated him.

This hate was misdirected though. You see, his wife Marisa and I were once married for a short year and were in a relationship for almost 8 years. Toward the later half of our relationship I had become more and more depressed and in a haze. That sort of depression and haze were you aren't even aware you are in it. I lived my day to day life, made music, hung out with friends, worked from time to time but slowly and surely I was sinking deeper and deeper. I found myself sleeping on the couch or sometimes even at my practice space after a long night of making music. Not wanting to go home. Not wanting to face reality as it had come to be. My depression, in hindsight, had caused me to do destructive things. I started to look for a way out of my life as it was. My eyes and later myself became drawn to other woman. I quit my job almost at the same instant they decided to fire me. I was rejecting friends, my wife, my family. Looking back I can't even remember all the terrible ways I must have acted but, I was in a haze. One that was hard to see 3 feet in front of your nose. The story of my depression goes much deeper than that but doesn't it always?

After dealing with me like this for most of our one year long marriage Marisa had decided she'd had enough. She was "done".  One day she sat me down and said something to the effect that she did not know what was going on with me but she couldn't handle it anymore and did not want to be with me. This, like a brick to the face, hit me so violently and blindly that it shook me out of my haze. All at once I started to see all the things I had done, the way I was acting, the bullshit I'd let not just my life but both our lives become. I was in shock. I tried not to give up. I thought maybe I could save this. I was desperate to for a time. We both went to counseling separately under the assumption that we would go together soon. This never happened. She was done and I had to except that, which I eventually did. It was hard. Very hard but I had no choice but to move on. Moving on was not easy. Most of our friends were extremely angry with me. Where once most of them had said they would not take sides in the matter most did. I still haven't spoken to a lot of those people for more than 10 years now. Some stuck with me and some new people had come out of the woodwork to support me. I'm forever grateful to those people. There is always someone in need and some people are able to take themselves out of a situation and look from a distance and see what really needs to be done.

She had said when we were signing our divorce papers that she was done with relationships and marriage as an idea and wanted to change everything in her life. I rolled my eyes. She soon closed her business down which she had worked tirelessly on. She moved out, of course, and while I could still hear her words echoing in my ears about never being in a relationship again she started dating Andy Richardson. This pissed me off. It wasn't that she was dating or dating him. Andy and I had never been friends. I'd known him from the punk rock scene in our Twin Cities. He played in some bands I quite liked and was friends with many people I knew. He was always sort of quiet. Sometimes kind of an asshole but I always knew him to not be malicious. Quiet people are often seen as asshole by people who don't know them. I knew him to be loyal and strong willed as well as a great taste in art and music. I surprised my at the time when I, one morning after a rather idiotic night, received a phone called from Andy telling my I acted like a real asshole the night before and he was being a bit threatening. I had apparently written my name in the dirt on the back window of Marisa's car. This was an asshole thing to do to be sured. I didn't then but now completely understand his anger and his protectiveness but at the time was outraged this little punk who, in my eyes, my ex wife had gone off to, was calling me and threatening me. I quickly calmed down about the incident but harbored malice toward Andy about it. I never spoke to him in person or on the phone again after that. Now I respect the hell out of him for calling me on my bullshit.

A year or so went by. I slowly got better with my depression. Sometimes slowly got down again and once again better. This is how depression works for me: the world slowest roller coaster. A gradual climb and then descend to rather tall bits and rather shallow bits. It's something I've gotten quite good at recognizing over the years as well as handling.
So, a year or so goes by and I hear that Andy and Marisa are getting married. I stopped. Thought. Laughed. I wasn't angry anymore. Not even close. I only found humor in looking back to her statement about marriage. I didn't find it ironic or idiotic. I found it, for lack of a better term, pleasing. I was happy she hadn't given up hope on something at one point she had really wanted. I was cleared. My mind was. I had already started to move on, rather quickly looking back, but I know now that it was all very much behind me even then. I don't remember completely but around New Years of that year I called her and just said I was happy for her. I truly meant it. She had taught me something so valuable, so life changing, to recognize my feelings and beware of what my depression could do to me, others and sometimes people I don't even know. I was happy for Andy because he was lucky enough to have the love of a good person that wanted him. I was over it. All of a sudden I had realized I had no hostility toward Andy and that I was just placing blame for my own actions somewhere else. What a relief.

My life has gone slowly up and down dealing with depression, just like the worlds slowest roller coaster. Over all I'm very well and have been for some time. Of course their are peaks and valleys but the over all threshold of happiness is much higher. I see things clearer and that partly thanks to Marisa.

From time to time I would see those two. Once they both came to a show of a band I was in with a mutual friend of Andy and me. He wouldn't say anything. I would nod and maybe he would nod back. I understood. I'm sure it was awkward for him. I didn't find it strange but understood if it was for him. Maybe he was still upset with me? I don't know. Marisa at one show stood up front and rocked out the way she used to at other bands I've been in at shows. It was nice. One particular outdoor show we played a few years ago in their neighborhood of Northeast Minneapolis I looked over to the sidewalk and there was Marisa and Andy and her belly. She had to be at least 7 months pregnant. I ruined my whole angry old punk singer persona and all I could do was smile the rest of the set. That made my week. They were out of my life and not even in my peripheral most of the time but it was nice to know things were seeming well. I knew she was cutting hair in Northeast and Andy was working for a great company that creates some of the coolest guitar effect pedals in the world. They don't pass through my mind much but when they do I smile.

The day after Labor Day morning I woke up early, as I do, and looked at all my internet things, as I do. I notice that a effect pedal company from another state I follow has reposted a paragraph that Marisa had written about Andy being missing all day. Soon after Andy's boss posted. Then our mutual good friend. Then more people posted about the missing Andy. That he'd been missing since Labor Day morning and to please get in contact if you see him. My heart raced a little bit and I reposted the data and information figuring maybe he was somewhere and spreading the news I could help in a little way to find him. Slowly all Tuesday after Labor Day (24 hours after he'd been missing) I start getting text messages from friends asking if I had heard that Andy was missing. Of course. We may not be in each others lives but I want to know when people I care for are worried or hurting, and I do care for Andy and Marisa. At some point someone posts they have found his car near the river. People are all headed to the area to search and soon after that Marisa posts to call off the search and the family and police will handle it. My heart dropped. I needed to know what was happening. Was he found? Was he okay? Moments later Andy boss says he's been found but his condition is unknown. I almost breathed a bit of relief. No idea what was going on but at least hey found him and in any condition that's better then not finding him at all. It seemed like good news.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get work done. Although distracted I was able to get a little done. Progress is nice. In the early evening my lovely lady and I went for a nice walk around our beautiful neighborhood. I checked my phone once in a while to see if there were any updates. Between glaring at my phone and glaring at my lovely lady noticing how beautiful she looked in the evening sun and taking photos on my phone of funny little bits of graffiti that pop up from time to time in this neighborhood I thought of Andy and Marisa and started to get rather frightened. Toward the end of our walk it was confirmed from a friend via text message that Andy was dead and had somehow killed himself.

I somehow knew something awful was going on. I didn't want to admit it to myself. All day I thought terrible things. He was carjacked and killed. He was in a horrible accident but not suicide. How could that be? On the surface to an outsider like me Andy's life seemed amazing. He had amazing things in his life. A really great job working in something I know he loves: music. An amazing wife and small boy. Why the fuck would he give that up? No one except the people closest to him would know the answers to those questions. I can speak of my experience with depression and how I know sometimes light just can't pass through your eyelids. No matter how hard you try to open them you can not. I was lucky, if that's the phrase I really mean, that I've always been able to let the light in somehow. I want to be here. After that horrible time in my life I would never let my chemical imbalances take full control of my actions. I do allow myself to be depressed sometimes. Just a few short years ago I was pretty far down in one of the valleys after a bad break up and what I saw to be a betrayal. I let myself be down, to think, to reconcile with my emotions and was able to pull out again. I thank Marisa for giving me the kick start to be able to do that. I thank Andy for having a life with her, someone I care about deeply and want the best always for, though now for reason I may never know it has been stopped. Depression, they say effects however many millions of people. I think depression effects every human on the planet in some form or another. Depression is an individual thing. I can speculate about their situation but It's only that. And honestly it's none of my damn business. I can only hope at it's best that this is another opportunity for growth for everyone that knew them. For anyone who knows of their story. I know it is for me.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

The Fleetwoods - Mr. Blue

Our guardian star lost all his glow
The day that I lost you
He lost all his glitter the day you said, no
And his silver turned to blue
Like him, I am doubtful that your love is true
But if you decide to call on me
Ask for Mr. Blue

I'm Mr. Blue

When you say you love me
Then prove it by goin' out on the sly
Provin' your love isn't true
Call me Mr. Blue

I'm Mr. Blue

When you say you're sorry
Then turn around, head for the lights of town
Hurtin' me through and through
Call me Mr. Blue

I stay at home at night
Right by the phone at night
But you won't call
And I won't hurt my pride

I won't tell you
Why you paint the town
A bright red to turn it upside down
I'm paintin' it too
But I'm paintin' it blue
Call me Mr. Blue

Before I Go

it feels the same
eyes welled and headache

it's something but sorrow, no
feeling home never home
it feels the same
left me before leaving you
men in fitted black suits
torture fingers dangle last
of the skin and beaten path

it's no fate to me alone
toes broken in my own home
never woken and sleep, no
before I go before I go 

inspired by this piece of music

Thursday, June 12, 2014


she chose me
it's like music
most beautiful music 
shadowed in something
that should show no shadow
she chose me 
brighter than most
dancing with her fingers
I'm just trying not to trip
without condition 
not contrite 
she chose me
and I could melt

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Macy Shot A Cop

flow my tears
Macy shot a cop
lucky shot, Macy
it's a lucky shot
flow my tears
Macy got a lot
a face full of mace
lucky break, Macy, 

lucky break

she can't stop
Macy shot a cop

flow my tears
Macy shot a cop
big girl on the block
whiter flag and bigger cock
flow my tears
Macy moves a drop
bullets moving all too slow
hazel eyes and nowhere to go

Thursday, March 6, 2014


wander around towards left, it's home, slightly skewed
in some pants left on a rock, boiled dry, if you can do that
past midnight but it's not dead like once said, it's a new day
a day for some hours and a second half is new pants and a shave

"throw off your chain-link fences, it's a masquerade"!
"it's a suburban tense-fit, a place for blonde ladies to scream"

no one pays this advice many dimes, only half an ear if lucky
because a home is a hole or a place to split and cold if lucky
and where your heart is buried there and a hair in your rear
it's warm, I like it, I'm comfortable there and I'm not being snotty

Friday, February 14, 2014

The La's - There She Goes

there she goes
there she goes again
racing thru' my brain

and i just can't contain

this feelin' that remains

there she blows

there she blows again
pulsing thru' my vein

and i just can't contain

this feelin' that remains

there she goes, there she goes again

she calls my name, pulls my train
no-one else could heal my pain

and i just can't contain

this feelin' that remains

there she goes

there she goes again
chasing down my lane

and i just can't contain

this feelin' that remains